I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Randomize
