After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
