I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
