Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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