"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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