You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
