he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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