so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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