kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
