So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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