There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
40s are totally the cure
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
