my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
