I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
