Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
