I could have mohawked her pubes.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
