Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
a search helicopter?!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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