I will die if light touches me.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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