Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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