i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Randomize
