I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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