They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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