I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
