you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
