woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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