We're like a lot better than the average bears
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
