Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
