Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
