I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
