so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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