I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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