Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
