I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
