farters have to be the big spoon...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
