I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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