he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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