It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
