we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
