even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
