i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
