Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
