I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
