I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
