Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize