Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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