there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
