i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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