shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
