just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize