My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
