she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize