Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i drank out of a bidet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
