I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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