just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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