um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
