I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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