u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
