im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
