Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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