I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
