Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
