Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Randomize