I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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