Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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