moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Randomize
