people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
