I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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