At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
