I wanna passion pit in your ass
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
