I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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