totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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