i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
